I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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