Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
