I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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