sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize