If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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