he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm like, not good at living.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
