You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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