She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
