I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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