I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They took my balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
