I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
