there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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