Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
