sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
