I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
