so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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