It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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