I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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