At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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