I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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