I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize