i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
