Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
