There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
