I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk is a universal language darling
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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