You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
