Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
