remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize