I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
