Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize