the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
