If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
