I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize