WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
