Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there is glitter all over my balls
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