I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize