Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
