your parents love me but you hate me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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