Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
