hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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