Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
