If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
