i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
