I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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