Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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