Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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