I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
