is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
