we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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