Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
