i don't like sucking hair
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
