You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
