Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
