Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
