Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
