How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
