actually, I'm a sock model
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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