Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize