You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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