I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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