dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize