Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
