Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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