So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
