he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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