I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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