From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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