Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
