i just google imaged poop.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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