Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
