The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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