You don't have asthma, your pregnant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
