This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize