end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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