Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
