im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
