It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
