Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he fucked my hip out of place.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
