Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
