I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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