The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
