Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he thought i was a dude.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
