I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
